Ennui and the Writer’s Soul

I’ts been over a week since my last post.  I’ve been out of commission, seemingly unable to focus enough to write much of. . . well, much of anything.  What inspired my lack of inspiration?

To be perfectly honest– basically nothing,  I was somewhat annoyed by a poor job offer that I interviewed for, and the crashing down of some false hopes I had built around unreasonable expectations.  And I was somewhat annoyed about some other unrelated writing stuff.

But suddenly, all the words which had been flowing previously dried up for all my projects.  Poof, gone.  I couldn’t even focus enough to type previously written material into the post box and click submit.  I was seriously blocked.

I’ve been there before, and sometimes for much longer periods of time than this.  A little over a year ago I didn’t write for nearly 6 months when I was in treatment for my PTSD, depression, and anxiety issues.  The medication just completely stoppered me up, and through the better part of a year the only words that came out were a few fetishes and gifts for use in a Werewolf: the Apocalypse game, and some other gaming character background descriptions.

My mental health has always been somewhat of a struggle.  Maybe not always, I don’t know or can’t say for sure when I started having difficulty with depression– thinking back to previous hard times in my life through a lens of more recent experiences I could imagine them being triggered by this, but who is to say for certain?  I know for a fact I never had a panic attack before July of 2011.

I’ve recently been exposed to the word “ennui” which describes a listlessness arising from lack of occupation or excitement.  This nearly perfectly describes this last two weeks of complete inability to write.  Its certainly set me thinking about what caused it, and how to get myself out of this period.

Well, here I am, writing again, so I can say with certainty that I am at least coming out of my period of ennui, my writer’s soul is emerging from the wilderness and beginning once more on the path of the lonely, unheralded blog author.

Some strategies I engaged in to break my “slump” included reading an entire novel (Prine of Fools by Mark Lawrence), and tried to otherwise expose myself to stimuli that would induce writing.

But in the end, I am only now breaking my streak after the passage of time, and a general better feeling-ness.  Yet, in my bout of ennui, I found myself feeling that I was breaking some sort of unwritten social contract with those few of you who have liked, followed, and generally read this blog.

So, as part of my ongoing battle with the block, I am making the unwritten/unspoken contract with you, my readers manifest and specifically stating the writing schedule I intend to keep for this blog– I don’t promise I will never miss articles or deadlines, but I am promising that I will try to follow the following schedule–

Sunday– a piece of gaming related work, either for my Core 8 system, or for Pathfinder compatible content.  This may be new spells, feats, archetypes, abilities, NPCs, monsters, or encounters.  It may also be an examination of a topic related to gaming.

Monday– a piece in the Sun Cycle saga that I am currently writing.

Tuesday– nothing.

Wednesday– I’m reserving this for a second serialized piece that I am still unready to begin unleashing on the world.  Until then I may release one off and other stories here, but I may not.  Basically more to come in the future.

Thursday– nothing.

Friday–  This will be the spot for my weekly NBA coach rank during the season.  During the off season I will either post a sports related piece, or take the day off.

Saturday–a post on some topic, whether related to writing, related to some of my work, or life.  Basically anything goes, but this will be the spot for many of my ramblings of the non-specific variety.  May also use this to publish stories that don’t fall into any of my on going epics.  (Hence this post going up on Saturday.)

So, there you have it, my ennui busting schedule and contract with however few of you are reading the words I am publishing here.


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